It's the Things We Love Most That Destroy Us
by uni67a
Summary: Peter discovers that Tris has a fear of intimacy and is determined to manipulate it.
1. Chapter 1

"Are you scared of me?"

I jump at the sound of Peter's voice. I turn around to see his green eyes gleaming and his lips curled in a smirk. It's when we are alone, when he is silent, looking at me in the way he does, that I notice how handsome Peter is – how tall he is, how innocent he looks, the way his dark black hair always looks messy. He knows that I think he is attractive and he relishes it.

Peter opens his mouth again, and the moment is lost as he repeats, "Beatrice, are you scared of me?"

I curse at myself silently for not noticing him when he entered the dormitory, then frown. He did not call me Stiff, like he always does. He doesn't even call me Tris. He calls me by my Abnegation name, a name he shouldn't know. My blood runs cold.

Peter takes a step towards me, where I sit on my bed, and he slowly snakes his long legs around the edge of it, finally bringing himself to sit next to me. I freeze as he leans in and whispers, his hot breath on my neck and sending sparks through my body, "I know you're afraid of me. Just say it."

I stand up, but his hands are on his wrist, pulling me back down. He bring his other hands to my shoulder and shoves me to my back, so that I am laying flat and he is leaning over top of me, his legs straddled on either side of me. My breath hitches.

"Does this scare you?"

It occurs to me suddenly that _he knows_. He knows that I am afraid of intimacy; he knows my real name. He must know my other fears. He may even know of my Divergence.

This is _bad_.

The enemy, the boy I hate and the boy who hates me; he has more blackmail on me then he will ever need. He could control me for my entire life with the things he knows. Tears fill my eyes, and Peter smiles at the sight of them.

"So Eric was right, you are afraid of a boy touching you. Intimacy. This piece of knowledge could come in handy," he murmurs. "For the both of us. I wondered at first why you would have this fear. Is it … because I've touched you before? Do you remember that, by the chasm? Because I do." I whimper as he leans closer, so close that I can speckles of gold and hazel in his eyes. "Or is it Four that makes you scared? I know you're with him. Perhaps that's why your rankings are so high, because you're screwing the initiate instructor. If that's what you're into, I've got benefits too. Friends in high places. We could arrange a nice deal."

"Stop, please," I whisper, wriggling underneath him. He's too strong for me to escape.

"You needn't be scared of me," Peter grins. "I'm not the big bad Four. I'm gentle. I've always liked you, Tris. We could friends, you and I. I'm sorry for the things I did to you. Does that make it better?" He removes his hand from my right shoulder and wipes a tear from my face with his thumb.

"Peter –" I sob, but his lips crash into mine before I can finish.

The kiss is careful and slow and just as Peter had said – gentle. His lips are soft, unlike Four, who has rough and calloused lips and kisses me fast and hard and almost painfully. I almost can't think straight as a buzzing fills my whole body, and it's not fear, like the times I've had with Four … it's longing this time. I feel a moan escape my mouth and Peter pulls away, narrowing his eyes. I immediately want him back on me.

"You like this?" He says, both satisfaction and confusion written all over his face.

"I …" I don't know what to say.

"You're not afraid of me. Why?"

Once again, I have no answer. Why am I not afraid of this boy who is practically raping me and has tried to kill me? And why I am afraid of the boy who actually loves me and wants to help me? All I can do is shake my head. I have no idea. None at all.

I am breathing heavily, and I wish I could stop, but I can't. Peter just stares intently at me, as if he is trying to understand.

"This is a good thing," he finally says. "I can help you."

I almost laugh. Peter Hayes? _Help me_?

"With?" I say quietly.

"Intimacy," he whispers. He rolls off of me and stands, curling his lip at the sight of me, pressed into the bed, red-faced and panting. "It's important for you to be over this fear. For Four, right? I can help you with that. Since you're not fearful of me. It's kind of disgusting, Stiff, I must admit, but I've heard that Abnegation are that way in bed. It honestly doesn't surprise me."

I sit up, furrowing my eyebrows. "What doesn't surprise you?"

"That I turn you on," Peter sneers. He turns around and walks out of the doorway, leaving me behind.


	2. Chapter 2

p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" I'm walking towards the cafeteria the following morning when I spot Four storming down the corridors. His face is set in anger and his hands are in fists at his sides. I frown, wondering what's happened this time./span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" Probably Eric and his ridiculous training standards.span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" I smile brightly and walk towards him, eager to embrace him. I'm glad there's no one else in this hallway - maybe I will press a kiss to his lips as well.span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" I reach my arms out for a hug, but Four simply slams his shoulder into mine violently. I cry out in pain and whirl around quickly enough to grab his black t-shirt. I expect him to try to shake my hands off of him, but he instead stops in his tracks and turns around. His deep blue eyes are swirling with madness.span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" "Four," I say, tracing his jawline. "What's wrong?" He remains rigid and quiet, not even relaxing at my touch. We don't touch each other sparingly, especially not since the discovery of my intimacy fear, so each time my hands are on him, he is pleased. But now, he's not.span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva;"em Why?em/span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva;"em em/span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" "You," he spits out furiously.span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" I narrow my eyes in confusion, my heart suddenly pounding too hard, too loud. My thoughts are jumbling and my throat seems to close up as I realize.span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva;"em Peter.em/span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva;"em em/span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" "I saw you," Four continues on. "You and - and him."span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" "But em...em how-" I stammer out, hardly able to breathe./span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" "I work in the training room, you idiot," Four snaps. "I work in the room with all the surveillance cameras. I saw you making out with him, on the bed. He was emon top of youem, Tris." Tears fill my eyes./span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" I hadn't meant for this. I love Four, I don't love Peter. I didn't want to kiss him, but I'd liked it, my body had liked it, but my mind; it still loved Four, more then anything. He must know that. He must have heard me tell Peter to stop. He had to have.span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" "But, didn't you hear me -"span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" "The cameras don't have audio," Four snarls. "They don't need them, I can get the message from what I see. I thought you loved me, but maybe that was just for the physical training stages. Maybe you'd liked me because I'd score you high when you needed it. Now that this part of initiation is easy because of your Divergence, I guess you're in it for pleasure. Don't worry, we're done. This is over between us. And I think you and Peter will be perfect together."span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" span/p  
>p style="overflow: visible; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; height: auto !important; width: auto !important;"span style="font-family: verdana, geneva; font-size: 9pt;" I let out a sob as Four rushes away from me.span/p 


End file.
